words, worldly wisdoms & wanna-be photography

Archive for December, 2010

the tricky thing

New Year’s resolutions are always a tricky thing, I think. Last year was the first time I made a real list of resolutions and I succeeded in only four out of ten. Sadly, it’s not writing these goals rather than trying to achieve them that is harder to accomplish. I always try to find doable resolutions, with a real potential to be achieved at the end of the year. But somehow I’ve always failed.

Why? First, I kind of (intentionally) forget them during the year. But I don’t think, that if I’d remind myself each day of my resolutions, I’ll get them done; lazy as I know myself (this is really a bad trait of mine), I just postpone them to another day.
Second, I didn’t consider them well; for example I promised last year to go to the theater more often with a friend of mine. We subscribed to a kind of “club”, with which we can get the tickets cheaper, but of course it’d be just worth it, if we use them often. Which we never did. Not once. Eventually, I wasn’t keen on this subscription anymore and so failed in one of my resolutions.
And third I lacked in courage: One of my resolutions was to ask my father to watch the stars together. He’s a great astronomy fan (and that’s why I was named Stella – the Italian word for “star”) and when I was younger, we used to watch documentary films about astronomy together. But I’ve grown up, spend more time with my friends and he’s always busy working; I didn’t dare to ask him, because I might be disturbing his work. And so also this resolution fell through.

As for this year I decided that the ultimate solution to all my problems would be witnesses. Yes, witnesses. I think, I need witnesses who are able to see my New Year’s resolutions and as a result I might bring myself to achieve them, because I expect something from myself; because I don’t want you to see me failing in achieving them. (Now you might think I’m weird – and let me say: I also think I’m weird.)

Well, these are my New Year’s resolutions:

  1. Keep on writing this blog! (The single most important resolution, good for my PostAWeek stats and I won’t fail this one, promise.)
  2. This year I decided to finally do something against my boring life and this would mean searching a new hobby. (Blogging doesn’t count for me, since this isn’t something in the real world; it’s something virtual) At the moment I’ve got to choose between taking drama classes, volleyball, yoga, starting a drawing course and starting a photography course. (Question: What would you personally chose?)
  3. To write a story. A real story as in a novel or short story and the like. This year’s the first time I’ve heard of NaNoWriMo, the campaign to write a story or a book of at least 50000 words in a month, which was November then. I hope I’ll get an idea by then. And I don’t think I will succeed in writing a full story, because I’ve started so many stories but after about three chapters didn’t find any ideas to continue. Anyway, the main thing is trying, right? And if I fail, I can still try it next year again. At least I’ve tried.
  4. Continue writing poetry. I started a few months ago, mainly in English, because somehow the words just came by naturally. A few excerpts of them you’ll certainly see when I’m commenting my photos.
  5. Finally, because I know how much of a couch potato I am, I wrote down: Go jogging from next spring on. Haha, I’m really exited to see how much of this I can accomplish.

So that was it for my New Year’s resolutions. About each accomplished one of them I’m going to post something (which, btw is also good for my PostAWeek stats, haha). I hope, I’ll be able to achieve each one of them!

As for now, Happy New Year to you all!

PS: Here’s one of the songs of my New Year’s Eve soundtrack – it’s about the morning after and somehow depressing (a bit) but I still like it (probably just because I grew up with this):


gingerbread lovin’

As a Christmas present my best friend made me a lovely gingerbread. Just now I had the guts (and my mum made me) to dare destroy and eat it. (*inner wincing* Such a loss! I love lovely made gingerbread.)
Now some pictures before its destruction:


PostAWeek 2011

I started two years ago with blogging at livejournal.com. I had so many ideas that I wanted to write down, so many pictures I wanted to post. But after a time, my posts were coming once in a half-year and finally, I stopped. At some point I just lost my motivation, staring dully at my blank site and trying to get something to write – but always failed.

This November I was reading a NaNoWriMo blog on WordPress and because of the many features you can get for your blog, I gained the motivation again to write and signed up.
Since this all is fresh and still fast updated I want to keep that too; because every time I’ve written a post (right use of tense, here?) I feel like I might be a genius. 😉 I mean, I just succeeded in using my time with sense.

So when I discovered that WordPress offered a new challenge for writers, namely the PostADay or PostAWeek 2011, I instantly decided to participate. Since I don’t think I could do the PostADay (I’ve got too many exams in the near future), I’m going to participate in PostAWeek 2011, which means that I’m going to post at least once in a week.

As for my few readers out there, if I haven’t post at least once in a week, just annoy me until I do, okay? 😉 You help me to keep my motivation – thanks a lot.

Love,

Stella


keepin’ my head clear

After a long, tiring day I got, once again, inspired by these:

And my all-time favourite:

All pictures found on: http://jakandjil.com/blog , my favourite fashion blog.


speak now

Today the Christmas present I ordered online for my sister arrived: the new Taylor Swift cd Speak Now. While listening to it, I read the booklet and so the prologue Taylor Swift has written (right use of tense here?). It was about to speak now itself, actually to speak up.

She wrote:

“In real life, saying the right thing at the right moment is beyond crucial. So crucial, in fact, that most of us start to hesitate, for fear of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. But lately what I’ve begun to fear more than that is letting the moment pass without saying anything.”

At this point I stopped reading; I noticed that she’s right. I noticed that most of the (many) quiet moments I shared with other people are not basing on my shyness or that I didn’t know what to say, but because I feared to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. And while thinking of something right to say, of something appropriate, the small talk that will please my dialogue partner, I let the moment pass and in the end had nothing to say.

“I think most of us fear reaching the end of our life, and looking back regretting the moments we didn’t speak up. When we didn’t say ‘I love you’. When we should have said ‘I’m sorry’. When we didn’t stand up for ourselves or someone who needed help.”

When I was reading this, all the memories came to my mind: The times I could have defend my sister in front of my parents – but didn’t. The times I could have been the one helping an outcast being integrated – but didn’t, because I didn’t want any conflicts with other people. The times I could have done the things I really wanted – but didn’t, because I fear of being accused of being disrespectful.
Now as I’m writing this, I realize that I’ve done a lot of things wrong and instead of apologizing have locked all the mistakes in my heart, shut my eyes from the truth.
I’ve been pretty selfish sometimes, always looking for what’s best for me, so that I would not have any problems. But I never realized that by chosing to be neutral and innocent I would’ve the bigger problem: not being honest with myself.
And I have an opinion to almost everything, but rarely declared it, because I feared of being confronted with arguments; with “But what if…”s and “Proof me…”s and “See? Now what do you have to say?”s and afterwards not knowing the answer. It always has been a sign of weakness for me, not knowing the answer of something; in my earlier years the strongest people I knew had always something to say.
I just never noticed that you don’t have to know everything, that you can’t know everything. I mean, you can still be strong. You can be silent for once and strong.

“What you say might be too much for some people. Maybe it will come out all wrong and you’ll stutter and you’ll walk away embarrassed, wincing as you play it all back in your head. But I think that the words you stop yourself from saying are the ones that will haunt you the longest.”

And it’s so true what she says: it can be too much, it can come out all the wrong way. And I realize once again that for being honest with yourself, you sometimes have to take the courage and the risk to say the wrong things, but saying it in all the right ways.
In this very moment I’m taking the decision to speak up. To speak up for the ones needing my help. Defending them, even if it means having conflicts afterwards. At least, in the end, I won’t be alone, because usually the ones you help, will help you too, if needed.
To speak up when I want to do something different than I ought to do; starting to believe that it doesn’t always have to do with your culture and its ethics; but with having the right to do the things you want to do and so being all yourself. (I always have this problems expressing feelings in a foreign language. Well, I hope you still understand.)
To speak up, so that I won’t have any hidden inner conflicts in my heart anymore. To speak up, so that I won’t regret the things I’ve said or haven’t said when I’m old and looking back on my life, because my words were as honest as possible.

I know it won’t start easy; every time I’ll speak up, I will have to overcome my fears. But all beginnings are difficult, right?

“So say it to them. Or say it to yourself in the mirror. Say it in a letter you’ll never send or in a book millions might read someday. I think you deserve to look back on your life without a chorus of resounding voices saying ‘I could’ve, but it’s too late now.'”

PS: Thanks, Taylor! 😀


oh please no romanticism

Oh-oh. I’m still pretty shocked. Me, the maybe one girl in this world being totally anti-romantic and anti-roses and anti-pet-names and anti-sunset-walks found her romantic side. Scary, really. (Don’t laugh, please, it is really scary for me.)

You want to know how? Well as a Christmas present, my sister and me, we got an invitation for going to the cinema with two acquaintance of ours. That’s nice of course, only that one of those two nice girls is only 8 at the moment. And so the selection of the film was pretty much limited. After a long discussion (in which both sides didn’t want to choose because of being afraid to hurt the other side’s film taste) there were two options left: Tangled (the new Disney version of Rapunzel) and Yogi Bear. (Don’t even start to laugh.) After some more discussion we finally decided on Tangled (and yes, it has also something to do with the 3-d effects, which this film contains).

And you know what? This film is still typically pretty cheesy in spite of the nice special 3-d effects and the bit of slapstick, but it’s also somehow… cute? (It feels so wrong of me to say this. Ugh.) Rapunzel in this version is somehow a bit tougher and cooler than in the real fairytale. And a bit less naïve than other fairytale princesses (although I can’t remember the other ones well). And at some point of watching the film, when the thought of finding this film cute occurred to me, I realized that I’m able to be at least a bit romantic. I also have a romantic side like many girls in this world. Or maybe like almost every girl in this world. Oh. (Ah!!! So wrong, wrong of me to say this!!) Scary, isn’t it?

Being romantic was never something I approved. I’ve never seen the sense in calling each other pet names, because calling each other by the actual names has always been a sign of respect for me; it is much more personal and your name is appreciated in that way. For me it’s nicer to be called by my name then being “babed” or “darlinged”. Or Valentine’s Day. Shouldn’t you just appreciate each other everyday? And aren’t presents cuter if they come unexpected?
Well, that was it from me. Anyway, I’m not the one to say these things, having no experience and such. (But right now, I’m confused and one way to get “unconfused” is to write everything down.)

And as for slowly noticing my romantic traits although actually being an anti-romantic, I don’t have to give everything up right? I mean, I can still be anti-pet-names and still find lying under the stars cute, right? (Oh please tell me so, please, please, please.)

PS: And to complete all this romanticism stuff a song from the Tangled soundtrack. Haha.


musing about blogging

It’s 08:20 am and I’m sitting in front of my laptop, staring at the white snowy street in front of my house. And wondering, why I actually wanted to start this. Writing a blog. Of course I wanted to improve my English by writing, of course I wanted to bring some fresh changes in my boring life. But now, I don’t really know if it’s worth it.
I mean I’d like to have readers of course. True is, I have none. None yet actually. And judging by the number of friends, who use wordpress.com, (z-e-r-o) I’m not likely to have any readers in foreseeable future.
I’m like the only one among my friends writing a blog. Maybe one of ten people at my school. The only people I know writing a blog are the ones doing an exchange year abroad and a German student who moved to our school a year ago (I live in Switzerland). Here, everybody uses Facebook, which would be the short way of blogging. Only that its actual purpose got lost. Namely, when all the 10-year old children made their own profiles and spammed my site with these statuses (what’s the plural?): “If you have 4 friends you would do everything for in this world, then write this in your status.” Uh, this is really necessary.

Now back to blogging. By writing and telling people things about your life I thought of writing texts. Proper texts and not short statuses. Blogging is like keeping a diary. It’s processing the things going on in your mind.
I’ve just looked up “blogging” at the omniscient Wikipedia and that’s what I’ve got:

A blog (a blend of the term web log) is a type of website or part of a website. Blogs are usually maintained by an individual with regular entries of commentary, descriptions of events, or other material such as graphics or video. Entries are commonly displayed in reverse-chronological order. Blog can also be used as a verb, meaning to maintain or add content to a blog.

Most blogs are interactive, allowing visitors to leave comments and even message each other via widgets on the blogs and it is this interactivity that distinguishes them from other static websites.

Many blogs provide commentary or news on a particular subject; others function as more personal online diaries. A typical blog combines text, images, and links to other blogs, Web pages, and other media related to its topic. The ability of readers to leave comments in an interactive format is an important part of many blogs. Most blogs are primarily textual, although some focus on art (Art blog), photographs (photo blog), videos (video blogging), music (MP3 blog), and audio (podcasting). Microblogging is another type of blogging, featuring very short posts.

Ah. Now we’ve also got the nice term for putting your status online: Microblogging. Oh and yeah, don’t get me wrong, I also use Facebook but I think you should think first before sharing a status, otherwise it will come out like this: “Hoooolidays!” When everyone has already written that. Or like that: “Night, people.” Yeah, that just interested us all.

And now what can you expect from this blog?  Well, I think  I’ll focus on a mixture between an online diary & a photo blog. My texts won’t be very good at the moment, but I hope they will improve with time. (And my photos as well.)

OMG, as I’m rereading this I can’t really see the point I wanted to talk about. Must have gone forgotten along the lines. Hmpph.