Found these in my mail box yesterday – such lovely cupcakes made by my best friend, Laura!
In about approximately 24 hours and 10 minutes I’m going to be 17 and I’ve realized, once again, that in my past 18 years I’ve done nothing to really leave a mark in this world, which has been one of my greatest wishes since I was 10. I think it had something to do with my artsy side; it doesn’t really matter if I realise this wish through acting, painting, taking photographs, writing or making music – important was the fact that I’ve always wanted to leave it in a creative way, a way to express myself and simultaneously leaving my footprint for the world to remember me.
This wish has been inspiration for many of my actions and works so far; however the past few months I was incredibly unproductive and uninspired, which left me often in a frustrated mood. This hasn’t actually improved until now, not fully anyway. Next to the inhuman amounts of homework, assignments and exams I’ve lived through last semester, the preparation for my confirmation – surely this must be fate messing with me to top it all – has started.
It’s not exactly something I’m always looking forward to – in fact, I feel oddly out-of-place. Mainly, I’m doing this because I don’t want to disappoint my parents (bad reasoning of mine, I know, but there’s no arguing with them) and so, when we had to decide which project group we’d like to attend – I choose for the least evil of all: the creative group.
Although the creative group has a remarkably uncreative name I joined it anyway. The leaders presented it as an opportunity to get artistically creative, which means we’ll be doing all sorts of handicraft work. I’m actually not that talented in these “do-it-yourself”-things (and that is generously said) but with one term they had me in the team for sure, and that one key word was “photography”.
Our theme this year is “get up”, which is an awfully difficult theme and so I spent some time brainstorming about possible ideas for images to capture until the next meeting (It turned out to be a quite demanding task.) when we’ll decide what to produce, to which I went with an already pessimistic attitude.
“Why?” you may ask, “What’s the point then of going to this confirmation preparation?”
Well, due to the point that I’ve actually no real interest in being confirmed, my only hope is that I get to take photos (the only thing creative I’m willing to do with all my heart, picky that I am) and photography was not on the list for sure because most guys were all for sculpting.
When I got there and we finally reached the brainstorming part, everything turned out to be in my favour, fortunately. Two other girls had interest in photography as well – and I think I can’t just pull-off a solo-thing (it’d be really, really rude I guess) – I’m going to take photographs with them while the boys can happily go sculpting and the other do what pleases them (I’ve become really ignorant of other things when I’m relieved that something turned out the way I wanted it to be).
Now the thing is that the whole time they spent arguing about different materials I zoned out to get inspired and actually came up with some ideas. But as I said before, I’m in a group and it won’t be until next time that we discuss our project further. So I just kept on daydreaming, when, a couple of times though, I felt gazes lingering on my ring. That is, the moustache one – my everyday lucky charm. The gaze belonged to the “professional artist” our group is working with: she was sitting next to me, and she probably noticed the lack of oral participation from my part during the discussion or else she wouldn’t have wanted to talk to me afterwards.
Our conversation was really short; the kind of conversation that doesn’t take more than five minutes. But it was special. She asked me first about my ring and why I bought it. I answered that I liked to be different from other people and this is a way of doing so – buying things few people would. She was really interested in this whole “being different”-attitude – and also wholeheartedly approved of it, saying that it’s good to be different. A second later, a bit out of nowhere really, she said that I should just do my own things and not just agreeing with other people’s ideas.
First, I was a bit offended that she thought I wasn’t independent enough to make my own decisions; but she kept on talking and it was during a tiny amount of time passing – seconds probably – that I realized that it didn’t really mind me.
When people notice the fact that I have a bit some anti-mainstream attitudes and generally like to be different, they mostly silently acknowledge it and do not comment further on it. But this was the first time that someone was really interested and also encourage me to go on that way and it felt… nice. There she was, an artist for living, talking to me, wannabe-inspired nobody.
Looking back, it felt like hours but in reality it was presumably only a minute that we spent time talking about some ideas of mine. Somehow I had absolutely no fear of sharing them with her, what with her beaming at me and nodding and saying repeatedly “Just try”. It was only this one minute, but apparently this one minute with her was all it took me to get inspired again. Right in this moment I feel the inspiration creeping up into my brain and I feel very, very excited.
So this is one of the things I like best about life; it takes only one encounter of only one minute but maybe it is the one that turns your life upside-down. It’s all about this little meetings, encounters, the bumping-into-each-other moments and the forever-burned-down-in-my-mind images that makes life exciting, worthwhile and is material for entire books to write about.
Or, in my case, to capture huge amounts of new, inspiring photographs so I’ll be closer to my goal of leaving my mark in the world. (I should hope so, anyway.)