for Laura, my soulmate
I’ve got an angel
She doesn’t wear any wings
She wears a heart that could melt my own
She wears a smile that could make me want to sing
Angels – Jack Johnson
How much love can you receive all at once? That’s the question I’m asking myself for a while now. Just before I’ve been sitting on my bed and reading all the nice SMS, letters, album pages and cards I’ve got today. All containing birthday wishes in their own way: In drawings, photographs, collages, written words… from near and from far, far away.
Apparently you can get a lot of love at once. Or better, on one day. Today’s my birthday and while I’ve never been much of a fan of birthdays, maybe I should – in a few minutes I’m going to be sixteen. In Switzerland becoming sixteen means three things:
- You can drink & buy beer legally.
- You can go to clubs.
- Everything’s a lot more expensive than before.
But somehow even on this birthday I can’t be very happy about my new reached age. I’m no great fan of beer, I don’t like to go to clubs (I’m a rather concert or café type) and – who likes to pay more for public transports?
So sixteen’s really rather inconvenient for me – that’s what I thought this morning. And I’ve got to say, I still think the same way about it.
In the last days there were a lot of whispering going on about presents for me among my friends. I never expect presents; it’s totally ok for me to spend a birthday without presents – even the ones from my family. I just don’t like to be at the center of attention (The Happy-Birthday-singing in my Spanish lesson today was awfully embarrassing… I just wanted to run away, really.) and surrounded by dozens of people, looking over my shoulder and even more curious than me about the gifts I’ve got.
But as usually I was wrong. You know what I didn’t expect? The joy. When I woke up this morning I calculated that a lot of annoyance and patience’s needed to survive the day – but actually it started with my mum coming to wake me up with her traditional “hair-ruffling” (this year she left the throw-all-puppies-at-Stella out) and I felt so happy just because of this natural, common gesture. On the way to school I read the letter of a friend from Australia (she sent me a package – that was awesome enough!) and the amount of love I found between the lines had already touched my heart. In school I was welcomed by so many friends – I can’t remember in which order – it all happened so fast and when I opened my locker I saw that my best friend had already put her present into it (My first thought when I saw this was actually “Oh my gosh – how could someone got to my locker without my permission? Is something missing?” And no, I’m usually not paranoid about my school books.) and this surprised me so much (positively) that I already put my biggest smile on my face.
When I came to my main class they were all singing Happy Birthday. (It wasn’t as embarrassing as with my Spanish class.) It was so cute, really, even the boys sang, and I realized that in that very moment, I just wanted to hug them and never let them go, so grateful to have them as my friends.
And now I’m reflecting my whole day; just a few minutes before I’ve become sixteen (congratulations to myself), and sitting here – I feel that I’m not that grumpy anymore. No, after a whole session (1 hour) of responding to all the Facebook birthday wishes and rereading all paper stuff – I noticed the large amount of love and effort and time they all put in their little or big works of art. I’ve just been so egoistic refusing to accept any birthday presents beforehand; I know now that I can’t stop them from doing what they want – and when they’ve already but so much effort and time in it – I should rather appreciate the great amount of sympathy they’ve given me. And I do. I really, truly do.
Friends, family, acquaintances – thank you all for making this day so totally cute and bearable. For making me laugh and almost cry, for making me burst with happiness and smile like an idiot; it was all worth it. You’re great and I love you!
Also for the ones reading and commenting this blog: thanks to you all for almost 2 months of supporting! You make my day – everyday – just by stopping by shortly. Thank you!
Now a song that somehow follows me through my birthday (but has absolutely nothing to do with “birthday”):
It’s 12:12 am and I’m tired. So tired. I’m totally sorry I haven’t written for such a long time, but from last Tuesday on I had musical rehearsal with the school choir and on Friday was the final rehearsal and on Saturday the premiere took place. Since then we’ve had performances every day and besides that, our class works at the musical bar as well. It’s all very tiring and after the third performance you’ve got enough for the rest of your life: every day the same routine, the same songs to sing, the same tiredness you won’t feel until you go to bed.
But in between these blurry and hazy feelings of weariness there are also very exciting things: Primarily just being on stage. The excitement before the show begins, running in the hallways between the dressing rooms, preparing the cakes and sandwiches for the bar, even during the warm up of our voices.
And then, climbing the stairs backstage to the stage, waiting for the light to go off and waiting tensely for the begin. Then the light goes on again and you see the amount of people looking at you, also excited to be there at this very night. It’s at this time that you really wake up, that you concentrate and listen to the orchestra and the soloists, always ready for your entry (?).
In the middle a break of the usually twenty minutes; the stress, the pressure is there again; but you’re excited to hear the reviews from the audience. Selling cakes and drinks at the bar, drinking some water yourself, the last time to check your make-up and then – being on stage again.
And in the end the best comes: the applause. You go a few steps forwards, you bow – all together, hand in hand – you go a few steps back, letting the next pass for their applause. The choir, the dancers, the supporting actors, the leading actors; the orchestra, light men, sound men and finally the head team: Director, conductor, costume and stage designers, choreographers, assistant director and other important people. All the while you hear the clapping, cheering, whistling and you feel so good and content. You’re fully there, not the least tired or unmotivated; being on stage and seeing that you’ve made people happy with the people you like, with people you’ve worked with for such a long time, who know you and get you, and have experienced exactly the same as you – that’s the greatest thing so far lately.
This morning my mum made me go to the church. I’m not a fan of going there, mostly because lazy me has to get up early in the morning. But it is New Year and so I did her this favour (right use?).
In his sermon the pastor talked about New Year, about a new year. I couldn’t pay attention well, since I was still half asleep, but this one question attracted my attention: In conjunction with the saying that behind each successful woman stands a man (bad translation, I know) and vice versa, he asked us if ,during the last year, there was someone behind us, bolstering us, helping us on our bad days.
From this point on I really lost my attention; I began to think about his question. And came to the conclusion, that there are many people who helped me; but somehow (and unfortunately) I never got to thank them for their help and support.
The following below is a typical “thank you” for all the special people of 2010.
- First, a thank you to my best friend, because especially in 2010 she had to listen to me complaining so much. I promise, I’ll be in better mood 2011! (Well, I hope so.)
- My mum who, I discovered last year, is not only a mother to me, but also a best friend.
- Medea Smyke on FF.net, because her stories lighted me up on my worst days.
- My all-time drunken neighbour, of whom I’m scared of, but anyhow makes me laugh (there are always funny misunderstandings with her because she’s mostly pretty drunk).
- My English teacher, because for the first time in my life, I played a real theatre; and it was even in English! (I don’t count the ones in primary school)
- The nicest and most amazing jewellery designer on the Berliner Trödelmarkt, whom I owe my new-found obsession for owls.
- A big “thank you” to all my friends at home as well abroad, for many memorable experiences and a new amount of inside jokes.
Maybe I’m late with these; maybe I’m not allowed to thank anymore, because I didn’t when the right time was. But “Better late then never!” is what I’ve learned while writing my post speak now and that’s why today, on the beginning of a new year, of a new beginning of everything, I decided to thank to you all. (I now, that not all of the people above will read this, but again, it’s better to at least have said/wrote it once, right? And I don’t think that I should thank every one of them personally, because em… my neighbour for example would be pretty insulted, I guess.)
So, thanks again! You’re the light in my life. 🙂
PS: So far, I’ve posted every day, which is a real success for me (and yesterday even three times)! Yay!